Broken

I fell in love at a very young age. Though young, I knew from my hearts of heart that I loved him and that I wanna spend the rest of my life with him. I knew for a fact that there were no guarantee that we will end up with each other so I told him once , how I wished he never came into my life when the future  was still blurry.

It all became more obscure when he told me that his family were migrating abroad. It crashed my heart and made me dread the day he was set to leave. Sleepless nights seems endless and tears were overflowing until he finally left.

What kept the relationship going for another four years or so was snail mail. It tested not only my patience but my faith as well. Cute guys from the campus have pursued me but I remained faithful and hopeful that one day, he’d come home for me. And that one day could be my graduation, my birthday, our anniversary, christmas or maybe even on a regular day after coming home from college.

But even though, he never did… my hopes were always up. I made myself believed that ours was a different love story. That it could stand the test of time because I convinced myself that we were true to our promises.

Mails had become phone calls. The happiest day of my teen age years was hearing his sweet funny voice on the other end from the other side of the world. I savor every moment… that was the shortest 30-minute of my life back then.

Until one day, the phone just stopped ringing and the Postman stopped on passing by. Days, weeks and months and the Postman finally dropped by. He handed me a white envelope. My heart was beating like a drum, so fast and loud that I couldn’t hear the sounds around me anymore. My hands were shaking as I opened it and almost burst in tears… my long wait has come to an end. My hopes were down below zero.

He’s saying goodbye…telling me that we’ve matured and grown and that he’s thankful for the times we spent together. As I closed the letter, I felt like the world caved in on me. I wanted to hide but there’s no place for me to go.

I found myself scribbling too many responses but chose not to reply…

The pain created a big hole in my heart. Mending a broken heart was indeed the hardest… emotional investment was something I couldn’t withdrew… i started wandering aimlessly with a broken heart.

Until a tiniest light of hope emerged in my gloomy world…

It was the tiniest of light I’d seen that helped me pull myself up.

I started recovering from the pit of loneliness and slowly, very slowly letting go.

It was a long road ahead, steep and  unsure… letting go was never easy. But in the process it made me a stronger person and prepares me for a bigger battle.