January is almost over. Oh how time flies not just fast but meaningfully, nowadays.
I love how I discovered new things about myself, my life and my purpose. I am in awe at every new lesson I am learning on the road, everyday… life is indeed a wonderful foundation of love and appreciation of greater things in this world… seen and unseen.
THANK YOU, God. Life is awesome!
As I was putting Isaiah to sleep, it suddenly came vividly to me how painful it was giving birth to him.
It was an early morning of December 20th when Kris brought me to the hospital after monitoring that my contractions were increasing. During that time, I was still feeling okay, meaning I can still smile and talked to Kris with all my sweetness.
We were having a Lamaze delivery so one nurse commented that she’s hoping to see it as there were a lot of other women who tried it but gave up because of exceeding pain. Kris as my Lamaze coach, squeezed my hand and assured me that we can do it.
More than 24 hours of labor without epidural was no joke. The pain was unbearable. I was about ready to say I can’t take it anymore… but not my coach. Kris was super persistent. He was there holding my hand and hugging me back when I entwined myself to him like there’s no tomorrow. He was standing strong even when he’s witnessing his beloved wife in great pain… he just knew he needs to be strong.
I honestly was thinking that he doesn’t love me enough to made me go through that pain. But at the end of the day, after I have successfully gave birth to Isaiah through Lamaze, I realized that he’s not only committed to love me but equally committed in bringing out the best in me as well. He made me realized my strength and taught me one valuable lesson in life.
It’s not the world to dictate what I can do and what I can’t. It’s only myself.
THANK YOU, God for a coach in Kris. THANK YOU that You made him strong when I am at my weakest. THANK YOU for a husband that You have blessed me with.
Yaya Joy called twice in the store this evening. I wasn’t in my seat the first time she called so she made sure to ring me again. She’s at home with Isaiah with the TV turned on. She told me that there was this news from ABS about an upcoming intensity 8 earthquake that will hit particularly areas of Muntinlupa, Parañaque and Manila. There was a tone of apprehension in her voice.
“ Good thing we’re in Mandaluyong” I kidded to calm her somehow. I understand where she’s coming from because we’re living in pad equal to a 10th floor unit.
“Make sure you have Isaiah’s things ready so we can just pick it up, if ever” I added and she chuckled.
“Joy…” I said again ” we live by faith and not by sight.”
And she continued saying ” Okay ma’am. We’ll just pray.” and then we hung up the phone.
Fear is our constant enemy. It will attack us anytime, every time and will rob us of our confidence. I’ve been paralyzed by fear so many times, at work, in a relationship, in the family and in my everyday living.
But we can’t be living in fear so we have to act on it. We have to recognize what makes us fear what. Pray about it and ask Him to help us overcome it. If we don’t we’ll be forever incarcerated with the unknown.
THANK YOU God, that my relationship with You secures me every time. THANK YOU that through that relationship we have built together, I am able to look pass my fear as a mother, as a wife and as a woman.
This is one of those nights that I don’t really feel like writing. I was feeling so exhausted from accounting the store sales this afternoon that didn’t balance with the money remitted to me. I have to do things twice over to balance my sheet. Oh numbers! They are too much work for me. And they sure made me hungry.
It’s already past nine and we haven’t eaten dinner yet so I wanted to go home, eat, relax and rest. The thing is, Kris brought the car to the ‘shop this morning so we have to walk home. I was carrying my laptop bag while Kris was carrying his and a couple of other things. That adds up to my tired body and mind.
On our way back home, I was thinking what to write but I really can’t find anything that interests me. I turned on the TV as soon as we reached home and slumped on the sofa with a chicken platter. How come there was no good movie to watch in HBO? Okay. I give up. I just want to go upstairs and hit the bed… not until Kris gave me a hug and made me feel that everything’s all right. He told me to relax and step back to see the bigger picture and don’t focus too much on the details of life.
It hit me big time and it calmed my spirit. Simple but well understood.
THANK YOU God, that when I’m at a low point of life, there’s my husband always ready to give me a lift. His kind words and comforting hug gets me back to the road of life.
It was a hectic day for me and Kris as we finished work from the store. When we got in the car, Kris asked if I wanted to drive. We just renewed my license two weeks ago so I was okay with it… not until I sat on the driver’s seat and held the steering wheel myself. It has been a long time since I drove. Not even in Edsa or in any highway but in the comfort of Global City’s not-so-busy street.
Tonight was extra different also as I was driving automatic in the absence of mr. golden sun. Kris used to teach me driving using our manual car in broad daylight.
So, okay. I started moving. I was a little nervous and told him that my license is in my other bag which I don’t have in the car. I wanted to stop when cars seems like starting to just popped in front of me one after the other. But then again i refused to believe that I can’t yada yada yada… there goes my 2010 motto, that keeps me going.
Kris was all supportive of me (he’s way too gentle than before, haha!) until I feel comfortable and drove just like a pro, haha! Well at least i did better.
Driving gave me a feeling of independence. And it made me appreciate who I am today… looking back at how I lived my life before, it’s like driving a car but not holding on the steering wheel myself. I just let somebody else drove my life for me. Sad but that’s how scared and weak I was.
THANK YOU God that You have given me the courage to break free and showed me the way where You want me to go. I am now driving my life with the clear signs You have posted On the Road for me see.
More than anything else, THANK YOU God for that constant tap on my shoulder saying I can do it because You got my back.
Last night, as we parked our car from the mezzanine of our building I started joking and playing blind while walking towards the ground floor where the elevator was.I was tempted to open my eyes but for some reason i go on.
There was fear on the uncertain steps… my heart was beating fast, as if I really can’t open my eyes and couldn’t see, but I went on as Kris guided me down the stairs.
“How was it?” Kris asked inside the elevator. “I was a little dizzy and scared” I said “it was hard to be blind”…
“My turn” he said when the elevator opened up. I held his hand and guided him from the hallway towards inside our living room.
“How was it” I asked back. “It was hard” he answered like I did.
It was hard. Real hard not to be able to see even at the littlest time that we did play we were blind. But so little compared to those who don’t have eyes to see everything that God has created.
THANK YOU, God for the gift of sight that You have blessed me with. You made me see the beautiful things that You have created … the greens, the sky so blue, the smile of an angel through my son Isaiah, a happy face of my husband Kris, the sincerity in my mother’s eyes… all these things You made me see and appreciate.
THANK YOU, God that You have made my eyes see not only of Your beauty but also the not-so-beautiful-things man has made. Because through those and even at those, You have shown us Your unfailing love. You have planted a seed in my heart to change my self and the world I live in… not the way I want it but how You want it.
Isaiah was lying down on the bed sucking his thumb when we got home. He was about to sleep but his eyes widened when he saw mommy and daddy. He rolled from his back and welcomed us with a smile.
Kris got on the bed and played rough with his boy. He crawled back and forth to me. He stood in front of daddy as if telling dad that he could already stand on his own. He clapped his hands and raised his arms while on his feet. He was such a happy boy.
Kris got him and sat him on his lap. He started rocking the little boy while singing Sing a Song by The Carpenters. I was singing along and Isaiah was all eyes on me while he was hugging daddy’s arms.
He said something when we finished the song and I was pretending that I knew what he said so I talked back. He pushed his foot against the bed like he was rocking himself. So I asked if he wants another song. We sung it again and he was smiling.
The third time, he was playing with his tongue like saying lalala so I asked again if he wants one more. He was clapping while we’re at it and trying to mumble words.
He loves the song. He loves it when daddy & mommy sing it together. So I said we’ll call it our family song.
Isaiah has always brighten up our day, eases our stress and refreshes our mind. He is one boy always in my mind, constantly in my prayers, unceasingly in my dreams and forever in my heart.
THANK YOU, God for a son that You have blessed me with. He is truly a joy in our lives.